| Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder |
[May. 29th, 2007|02:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Hell | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Baby Dracula by Scarling | ] |
Well I haven't been able to update anything like I was planning to... mainly due to my computer dying, it's nothing more than an annoying paperweight right now. I would've said something sooner but I really hate using this laptop's keyboard, not to mention I am forever lazy. If someone does want, or need, to get in touch with me they can just email me at either Phear_Venom@hotmail.com or Disposable_Filth@yahoo.com, those who have my number are free to use it and those that don't may ask for it. Also, don't expect to see me on the messengers either, there are only a few I am willing/wanting to talk to. Well since this is boring me now I'm just going to say see ya... |
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| Absinthe's |
[May. 9th, 2007|06:51 pm] |
Well I got busy and forgot to do any updating, shit has been hectic with my birthday coming up and the crap I've been dealing with, I'll get into all that another time; anyhow, since the main theme of my birthday has been absinthe (three bottles already given as gifts), I figured I'd share with you all something I wrote called "Absinthe's", my love song to absinthe. Anyway fuck off until next time and maybe I'll see some of you on my birthday…
Give me the strength to wake up
One more day for me to shake up
I never have the will without you inside
Drown in me
Drown out everything you see
The death in me
Before I drown in apathy, drown in me
None of the hard drugs
Could compare to you
None of the great loves
Could replace your touch
And all of this world
Would be hell without
Nothing in this world
Ever felt so pure I love to fight when I'm fired
I feel the high but I'm tired
You've now become the warm embrace
Drown in me
Drown the one thing I can be
The death of me
Don't just sit & let me be, drown in me None of the hard drugs
Could compare to you
None of the great loves
Could replace your touch
And all of this world
Would be hell without
Nothing in this world
Ever felt so pure |
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| I'm back, not back! |
[Apr. 22nd, 2007|03:16 pm] |
I've been absent these last few months, obviously, but I've also been intensely busy, I won't go into the details of with what or why? As of recently my schedule has cleared up so I may be making my weekly return to update all of my shit for all of you. If I don't, well oh well… |
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| LAST NIGHT!!! |
[May. 6th, 2006|06:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Somewhere Better | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Into The Flames by Snakehead & C.o.t.D.S | ] |
Goddamn, last night was the most amazing shit to ever come in my fucking life and those who experienced it know just the fuck why. I just want to thank everyone who was there to help make it happen, especially my brother in hell Jaysin Schultz, keep throwing the bodies onto the flames & always drag your knuckles through the ground. Sadly we must say RIP to our old friend Blas. What happened was just a one night only thing, and though we all loved it and it went over a hundred times better than we ever imagined, I must continue forward instead of living in the past. One more time, thank you and let those fuckers burn! |
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| No Subject |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|08:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  displaced | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Neurotica | ] |
In light of the recent events in my life (IE: Death, Dog attack, Medical set backs, Family issues, and etc) I've had a lot of time to think about my life and the way I am living it. I more than like who & what I've become, I love it, and though I am considered unstable, psychotic, and to be a backstabber, I know I see things with a clarity incapable of being explained or understood, not to mention I've been nothing but loyal to the one constant in my life so I have nothing to feel sorry about to anyone. I also don't want anyone feeling sorry for me! My conclusions have leaded me to realize that the one thing I don't like about my life is what I am doing with it, the music, as odd as that sounds. I love both my bands, I love singing, writing, performing, playing, hanging in studios, the money, and just the whole scene that has come with every step taken, but I'm not happy with it being any form of definition of who I am and what I am about, fact is that it's more of a hobby than a passion. That's what my life lacks, passion, everything is a job, duty, or hobby, who I am and what I am about has not shown or flourished in anything I've done, so I'm thinking of leaving everything behind. I am not referring to online shit specifically, but everything in my life. Nothing is definite, I think I just need some time to be and think, but if that's not enough then let me say now, au revoir. |
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| Boom BOMB |
[Apr. 15th, 2006|01:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | I Spit On You - Snakehead | ] |
Well I am back up and on my feet, for those who don't know I was attacked by a dog, tore my shins up. But now I am fully healed, according to my doctor, and my stay at Sanctuary is over but the best part is all cases were closed and dismissed. Oh, and I return to work next week, but what sucks is it's summer and there's heat and sun and all that bad shit. Now my warm on all animals of the K9 persuation can begin or people who use them to attack other people... not sure which way I want to go. Any ideas? Do I go after the animals or the owners? I do hate people... But I am alergic to dogs... this one is a toughie... |
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| Sayonara |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|09:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ticking | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 187 (Deep Cover Remix) | ] |
And I just lost another friend with no guilt or remorse, maybe this is the real me, the truth of who and what I am, and yet I move on with a smile and a laugh. I think I’m going to finish up here and then return to Sanctuary for at least a month, be amongst those who can truly understand and will push me, in the end Kim was right, she’s always right. |
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| Me |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|11:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sick of life | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Suicide Is Painless | ] |
I just pushed one of the few people I ever loved out of my life with all of my anger and conviction. Yeah, it's fun being me. |
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| Animal Cruelty or Animal Comedy? |
[Mar. 22nd, 2006|03:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Side With The Guns - Nonpoint | ] |
Okay, for the last hour or so this picture has been cracking me up. Now some say it's animal cruelty, I say closer to just being a jerk to animals, it's not like the cat is in mortal danger or wounding, plus it's funny. Have we all lost our sense of humor that we can't take delight in a small, harmless, and well thought out joke? Must we all be shielded from reality so much that fantasy cannot mimic it in anyway? |
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| UPDATE!!! |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|06:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  the usual | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Terrible Lie by Nine Inch Nails | ] |
Read! |
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| Envoi |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|10:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | the usual | ] |
No comment, just understand!
I sit alone, counting the reasons in the dark
Shadows dance on the walls from every spark
You're the only one who could ever understand
And in this moment I find that I really give a damn
It never gets easier
It never gets better
Still I'm stuck between either half
And I can feel it growing old
It never gets easier
It never gets better
When it's all as fragile as the glass
There's nothing left to say
When I think about it you were the one that was always there
Through the pains to a shadow of my most lucid fear
You live in pain just to stay down and by my side
For it's in the truth that lies where you hide
Please believe me!
It never gets easier
It never gets better
Still I'm stuck between either half
And I can feel it growing old
It never gets easier
It never gets better
When it's all as fragile as the glass
There's nothing left to say
You've been with me so long and I don't want to fight anymore
Do what you must but only if you're sure you're sure
'cause in this world we have only what we know
And I can't remember the last time I smiled for the reap or the sow
Please believe me!
It never gets easier
It never gets better
Still I'm stuck between either half
And I can feel it growing old
It never gets easier
It never gets better
When it's all as fragile as the glass
There's nothing left to ever say
There's nothing you could ever say |
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| No Title Is The Title |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|02:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Doom by Toxic Coma | ] |
Well I've finally come up with a title for the piece written about a friend of mine... um yeah... anyway, it took awhile but I wanted the title to be perfect, so I've kept it from any public eye, but what the hell now. This is called: Skin, Blood, Sin and Hell for the well
You're not the radio star that they think you are
You're not special, and more often than abandoned
But I've been aching and waiting, you're my need
And I've forsaken to shaken for the day I'm apart of you
Skin calls to skin
As blood curdles itself
I am your sin
And you boil my blood
You're not the T.V. star, radio makeup caked up for your need
You're not the world, you're just this sick saddened girl
But I'm here for you and all your deepest needs
I could never get enough of you, if you could of me
Skin calls to skin
As blood curdles itself
I am your sin
And you boil my blood
And hell calls to hell
And I'll be there for you
You are my well
And I drink from your deep
Now we've both been up and down this road
With so many lost and oh so much left untold
And now I know what I should've known then
You're everything past the end of ends
Skin calls to skin
As blood curdles itself
I am your sin
And you boil my blood
And hell calls to hell
And I'll be there for you
You are my well
And I drink from your deep |
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| Therapy by Finger11 |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|04:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | screwed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Therapy by Finger11 | ] |
Okay I been going through some shit recently, shit I won't discuss, and don't want to discuss here, ever! But today, randomly Therapy by Finger11 just popped on (out of a list of 127 tracks) and this song just broke me down, and now I can't stop listening to it. I think something is coming and is going to end very badly, but oh well...
+++++
Wide awake and out spinning
Round the safest orbit
You controlled the ordinary
I was grateful for it
Wide awake in the beginning
Trembling after the fall
Only half my world remembers
While the other half revolves
Cut off cause I can’t remember
A face that could cut me deeper
But hearts could never leave me bleeding
Becoming the cause and burden
The lesson begins unlearning
And it has never been forgiving, my dear
It’s all too familiar, I’ve been here before
I’ll carry this weight for your smallest reward
Because I’ll continue to break down the door
Just let me in, I swear it will not be like before
Can’t think of what to say, can’t think of what to do
I just think I might be losing my mind
Can’t stop this agony, cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you and now I feel fine
Collecting the strangest conscience
Apathy returns it’s offense
But only after I get moving
Relax and begin the change
In time for the newest stage
To help me find out what I’m missing in here
It’s all too familiar, I’ve been here before
I’ll carry this weight for your smallest reward
Because I’ll continue to break down the door
Just let me in, I swear it will not be like before
Can’t think of what to say, can’t think of what to do
I just think I might be losing my mind
Can’t stop this agony, cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you and now I feel fine
I covered all the ground 'till I uncovered our design
And every second I have spent has come to remind me in time
Wide awake and out spinning
Round the safest orbit
You controlled the ordinary
I was grateful for it
I was grateful for it
Can’t think of what to say, can’t think of what to do
I just think I might be losing my mind
Can’t stop this agony, cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you and now I feel fine
Can’t think of what to say, can’t think of what to do
I just think I might be losing my mind
Can’t stop this agony, cancel my therapy cause
I just thought of you and now I feel fine |
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| And All That I Am |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|03:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | empty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Running Shower | ] |
Right now I got nothing to say, other than I'm back to being busy... busy bumble spit... um, nvm... Here's "And All That I Am"
I chew the head then regurgitate the pit & seeds
I swallow down what I will if only to sate your darkest needs
I desicrate the path to which all sheep feed
I can't be stopped, I'm the voice you would not heed
Now give it back! - (All that I want, touch, suck, fuck, love)
Now give it back! - (All that I need, break, suck, fuck, hate)
You're so lost in the depth of your mediocrity
You're too old to ever be the new shit scene
You're dead and they're all too scared to say a thing
You weren't even here, it was all some bad dream
I am the vacant abstract of my own self's feat
The emptyness outside your bed, the bitter sweet
I am the hole in inside your head after the deed
And who pulled the trigger is the secret I keep
Now give it back! - (All that I want, touch, suck, fuck, love)
Now give it back! - (All that I need, break, suck, fuck, hate)
We're so lost in an empty world, stuck down here without you
In this hell there's only your darkness I can speak of, save me
Save me… - Fuck you!
Fuck you!!!
Now give it back! - (All that I want, touch, suck, fuck, love)
Now give it back!
Now give it back! - (All that I need, break, suck, fuck, hate)
Now give it back!
Want! Need! Touch! Break! Suck! Fuck! Love! Hate! |
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| All is well! |
[Mar. 3rd, 2006|04:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Some Classical Shit | ] |
I'm fit, I'm healthy, and you're not. Ah. It's so great to be me again. I noticed something today, everyone I know, online and off, is getting sick all over the country. First it was Jessieball, then my mother called sick, then Amy, then my visiting niece, then I got it from her, then my sister and all her kids, now Annie #2 & #3, Eric & Elizure at the same time, and when I return to work on Monday I'm going to have to help in the kitchens due to lack of staff. Now since I doubt you know let me explain, we just covered NY, SC, PA, OH, CA, NJ, CN, and WV… now that scares the hell out of me. What's cool though is all I got left is a small cough, which will be gone soon, and a nose bleed, but the nose bleed is probably due to the dry air, I've been prone to spontaneous nose bleeds my whole life. But anyway, I'm better, I can breathe, I can taste, and you can't do anything… now what to do later, I should celebrate right? |
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| Subject?! I don't need no stinking subject! |
[Mar. 2nd, 2006|11:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | rejuvenated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Men With Guns | ] |
Just for the record, smoking while getting over a cold is not the greatest idea ever, nor will the cigarette be properly enjoyed.
Being sick has also allowed me to realize that I hate my apartment, there's just nothing here, nothing to do… I'm not use to being here for so long alone. Sure I could watch T.V., play a videogame, listen to music, read a book but I do that usually to pass the time. I think I need to reconstruct my apt. into a strip club, I'm sure that could amuse me for awhile… and I'd make some cash. The only problem there is I get bored so quick & easily, I don't need to change my apt. and then be bored in it. Ah, que sera, sera.
Also, am I the only one sickened by the abnormally large number of ugly babies they're putting in commercials? |
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| Um... Ugh... Still sick? |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|10:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Some shit... | ] |
Well I’m feeling better, well not really, I’m just not as bad as I was yesterday, I can walk again but I can’t taste or smell, though it’s not all bad, the time off has given me the chance to stop and think. Upon one of my many realizations, I need to take time off from everything until everyone forgets me, erase myself completely. Oh well, not like it would matter in the end. |
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| The Casual Nothing, The Day Dreamer & The Two Sons |
[Feb. 27th, 2006|09:42 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Serial Killerish | ] |
I'm already late for work, I'm pissed and in a foul mood... yes I can be pissed and be in a foul mood at the same time. There has been a slight betrayl and those that crossed me will pay dearly with a huge loss. Until then I thought I'd share something, it's not new but it's in my head... maybe a sequel is to come... I dunno but I just been singing it all morning and it's one of my best. The title is in the title... yeah, I know it's long...
All this time I'm looking for something
Something more than the casual nothing
Nothing more but another day dreamer
Dreaming in a proletarian nightmare
I start each day with a starblind, groggy mind
Looking down on all the scarred signs left behind
I grind along while my hollowed mind realigns
Marching off & on a finely tuned timeline
What do I want?
All your cash in a paper bag
What do I have?
All your piss in a plastic glass
What do I need?
To feel your eyes watching over me
What do I get?
To feel your knife cutting at my neck
And I'm breathing
When I'm speaking
When I'm screaming
When I'm singing
I am the unsung one
The setting sun, the fallen son
I am the unsung one
The setting sun, the fallen son
You go to bed on a dime & a shot of wine
It's in your head, you're a nine just to stay behind
You grind along your narrowminded shallow lines
Marching off & on a finely tuned timeline
What do I want?
A perfect day with no regrets
What do I have?
A perfect reason to forget
What do I need?
Something worth believing in
What do I get?
Something worthless wrapped in all your -
I am the unsung one
The setting sun, the fallen son
I am the unsung one
The setting sun, the fallen son
And you're breathing
When you're speaking
When you're screaming
When you're singing
You are the perfect one
The rising sun, the chosen son
I am the unsung one
The setting sun, the fallen son
(Won't you please try this time…)
- And I hope you know - I've been falling only to catch you… - |
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| The fruit of my labors... |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|01:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | productive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Background noise from some British TV Show... | ] |
Okay, I don't even think I am reading what I am writing, just cutting open the veins and letting the blood pour... Mmm, that takes me back.
This is called: And In Her Eyes
I want to beat on something
Until both of my hands break
Until there's no skin, just the meat
I want to beat on something
I need to punch on someone
I want to go straight to hell
And burn with all the sinners
And pay like I'm the king demon
I want to go straight to hell
I need to pay for all I am
Now the face is clear to see
I am not what I should be
You're just a small part of me
And nothing could ever be closer
I want to stick my dick everywhere
So I can fuck like an animal
So I can fuck myself to death
I want to stick my dick everywhere
I need to fuck a part of everyone
I want to be happy just for one day
But I know deep down I'll never be
But I can tell it's all just in memories
I want to be happy just for one day
I need to feel something more or else
Now the face is clear to see
I am not what I should be
You're just a small part of me
And nothing could ever be closer
Except for this moment
When I'm laying down with you
And I can see your eyes
Now this next one is called: And In Hell
Now this time around
I push and fight
For every breath
I punch, I cry
It'll never be raped again
I can never be raped again
I'm gonna change the world
And then I'll burn the world
I'm gonna burn it all to hell
You'll never change the world
You'll never save the world
You'll just watch it burn to hell
Now you need to slow it down
Drag your knuckles through the ground
Untie the flesh to which you're bound
And just let it all melt away
If only for today
You'll find some way to stay
And let this world fade off you 'till everything is okay
But this time around
You shake and hide
Too afraid to see
Your face, your lies
You're better off dead & gone
You're so fucking dead & gone
Now I need to slow it down
Drag my knuckles through the ground
Untie the flesh to which I'm bound
And just let it all melt away
If only for today
I'll find some way to stay
And let this world fade off me 'till everything is okay
I'm gonna change the world
And then I'll burn the world
I'm gonna burn it all to hell
You'll never change the world
You'll never save the world
You'll just watch it burn to hell
And I'm headed straight for hell
Won't you all join me down in hell?
As you can see there is similarity in titles, style, and even meanings, but enough difference for both to stand alone on their own... or so I think. They both come off angry, whiny, and compassionate... for I am all those things... except whiny. Anyway, I should probably sleep some time but I keep making promises to go places, do shit, and I really want to finish all this. Au revoir, for now. |
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| Just being a gentleman |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|07:25 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Genocidal | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | In My Head by Altered Remnants (Elizure, Clarise, Dre, Eric) | ] |
Okay I decided to update this, not because there’s just so much cool shit with me, though there is, but because there’s a lady present and I don’t want to be rude by just sitting on her friend’s list. Since Miss Six is here I guess I might as well be too… hmmm… hmmm… yeah I can juggle this bitch… ugh referring to updating LJ… anyway…
So I am shopping for new shoes and let me say damn DVS to hell! How are you going to charge $20 more for the exact same shoe in black as you do for it in black & white? The fucked problem is I like both and can see switching up between them for different outfits… Ugh, what have I become?
Alright, moving onto using this forum for what I always used it for, well not always but yeah, hosting the crap I write. I got a lot of stuff that never made it here, but right now I just want to show off one that’s rather important. This is called “To My Fucking Son!” Title is subject to change.
Ignorance is bliss but it's a luxury I can't allow
I need so much more than I can ever give you
I still remember the day you changed the world
There was this small disbelief in all you were
For all I can't be…
Now move up then move down
Keep from making the slightest sound
They don't care much for when we come around
Now move in to move out
Replace all of their fears & doubts
Show them what we're really all about
You have so much on your shoulders and I'm so sorry
I never meant to burden you with more than you could bare
You'll take it all further than I ever could, I'm sure
All that's left in me is pride & belief in all you are
And all you can be…
Now move up then move down
Keep from making the slightest sound
They don't care much for when we come around
Now move in to move out
Replace all of their fears & doubts
Show them what we're really all about
Make them all go away…
Hunt them with all your hate…
Show them what it is you love
(They won't touch you… - I'd die before they get a chance…
And you know there is no me without a you…)
Now move up then move down
Keep from making the slightest sound
They don't care much for when we come around
Now move in to move out
Replace all of their fears & doubts
Show them what we're really all about
(They won't touch you… - I'd die before they get a chance…
And you know there is no me without a you…)
Expect more thoughts and/or crap in the near future. |
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ravencrow's journal